Because He First Loved Us...

So I'll Stand...

2012-02-26T22:58:00.000-08:00

So what can I say

What can I do

But offer this heart O God

Completely to You

So I'll stand

With arms high and heart abandoned

In awe of the One who gave it all

So I'll stand

My soul Lord to You surrendered

All I am is Yours

(The Stand by Hillsong United)

I haven't written lately, because I honestly was afraid of what would come out.

It's been 3 months since we landed in Ethiopia.

In some ways the longest and hardest 3 months of my life, but I know in other ways it has been the best.

No one could have prepared Joel or I for what that trip would do to us, how it would change us. We both have discussed how we are just different, but can't even describe it.. we just are.

We went to Ethiopia, and fell in love with the country... it was a wonderful trip for so many reasons. I could write post after post about the trip. It was awesome. The obvious highlight was meeting our precious daughter... Olive Fitsum. She was more amazing than we could have ever imagined. Full of personality, quite hilarious actually... and extremely sweet. Her birth name means "absolute light" and that perfectly describes her. I gush just thinking about her. It was so crazy how she totally felt like our daughter from the first moment, words can't describe it. We are head over heels in love with her. I prayed and prayed before our trip that she wouldn't be afraid of Joel, since the kids only have women for caregivers. She immediately was drawn to her daddy and him to her... she totally favored him and didn't want to leave his arms ;)

the picture says it all!

Leave & coming back home was hard... hard. The following week was busy with Christmas and Lyla's birthday, but no matter what we did it felt like someone was missing and I couldn't stop thinking about Olive. Joel and I would just look at each other across a room and we both knew what we were thinking about -her. My heart ached and ached like it never had before. I would cry at the drop of a dime.

But, God has brought me so near to Him and comforted me day in and day out. He has been replacing my mourning with joy in so many ways, showing me that time is only wasted when I waste it. Little everyday life became healing, and so much more meaningful and intentional... for example:

*I bought a deep freezer, 1/4 of a cow, and have been cooking away my pain so that I can spend more time playing with BOTH my daughters very soon. This has put my anxiety to rest.

*I've been sitting at my sewing machine and making my girls matching bedding... so they feel loved & comfy, and like real sisters who share matching crap. This has put joy back in my half empty heart.

*We've slowed life down, gotten rid of most weekly commitments, so that we can bond and transition as a new family at whatever pace is needed. This has caused us to spend more time together as husband & wife and family than we ever have.

*I've been trying to say no to my smart phone and yes to my precious 3yr old daughter a lot more. This has caused me to see my purpose as mommy and given Lyla great joy.

*I've been sticking my face in my Bible and good ol' Oswald Chambers. This has put me in my place morning after morning.

*I've connected with some amazing women who are also adopting or have in the past. They have reminded me that I am not alone or totally crazy.

*I have prayed and prayed and prayed. This has reminded me that I am not God.

He has gotten me out of my bed when I wanted to lay in it all day.

He has gotten me out of my fuzzy jammy pants and into the shower and inspired me to keep living life to its fullest.

I put that Hillsong song at the beginning, because some days all I could do was stand with my arms open and say in my head "I surrender". He has done some awesome work in my depressed pity party heart.. He has reminded me what it looks like to be His adopted daughted.. what it means to truly depend on Him. All of this in the end is preparing me to be a better mommy to Olive & Lyla, and further more a better lover of Jesus.. for those reasons, I will forever thank Him for this time apart from Olive, even though I would have never chosen to put myself through it.

((Let's face it, I would have for sure brought her home with me or stay there with her this whole time had it been at all possible!))

Sweet Olive,

I love you more than words can say, and miss you more than I thought possible. I wish I would have never had to leave you, and I honestly hate that this has all taken this long. But, I believe with all my heart that God works everything for His glory and our good, and this is no exception. I hope you can understand that one day when you are older. I think we will get to bring you home very soon, and the thought of that causes my heart to swell. I am beyond excited to be with you again, and get to finally bring you HOME. We loooooooong to have you home with us. We long to show you what it looks like to have a mommy and daddy and sister. We can't wait to experience life with you! We look forward to the day when we forget what life was like without you and when this is just a part of your beautiful life story. I'll be there soon, I'm coming to you sweet baby... we're almost there.

Much Love,

Mommy

We're coming soon!

2011-11-22T12:00:00.000-08:00

Dear Olive,

We are coming soon to meet you!!!! I actually get to see your face in person (not on a computer screen), I get to hug & kiss you, I get to look into your beautiful eyes! I am very very excited and a little nervous.

I'm not nervous about traveling, because I love traveling and love Africa. Traveling is a such a fun adventure for me! I'm excited to experience your birth country first hand, so that I can tell you all about it when you're older.

Here is what makes me a lil nervous:
I hope that I don't scare you when I first meet you by crying or making weird faces trying not to cry.

We are coming this trip to meet you and go to court, and then we come home and wait to be cleared by the embassy to come pick you up... I'm nervous that leaving you is going to be one of the harest things I've ever done. BUT, I know you are well taken care of and God will continue to provide all your needs.

I am praying and praying that we go back to bring you home shortly after this first trip. I also pray for you everyday.... praying for all the details of your days, your homecoming, and your future. I'm pretty sure that you are not aware of our coming, but I pray that God supernaturally prepares you for the huge transistion that will soon take place in your life. I can only imagine how you will grieve the loss of everything that is familar to you, but I pray we are able to comfort you (if not at first, with a lil time).

Daddy & I love you more and more each day and are counting down the days til we finally meet you!

We just had Halloween and will soon celebrate Thanksgiving & Christmas. I do really look forward to the days where you are here celebrating with us... next year will be sooooo different & wonderful. Here are some pictures of life lately. I'll seen you soon sweet girl ;)

We trick or treated at Aunt Maria & Uncle Ben's, Lyla was Piglet from "Winnie the Pooh"

Visit to Mimi & Poppy's with trip to Fulton Farms

Excited to be a family of 4 soon!

Court!

2011-11-21T10:27:00.001-08:00

So I changed my blog, cause our old one included our last name and I started to get some weirdos and spam and it kinda freaked me out. I went with "Nurse & Nerd", because I'm a nurse and Joel is a nerd... plus all the good urls are taken and I ran out of ideas ;)

*This is where usually I apologize for not writing on my blog very often, cause life is so busy, etc., etc.

But I'm not gonna do my apology, cause this is my blog and I'll write on it when I want to. I could find more time to do it, but I'm just gonna do it when I really want to.

So, we leave for Ethiopia in a few weeks!!!! I'm all excited, and kinda nervous. It feels like I HAVE SO MUCH TO GET DONE... but really I don't. We could leave in 2 days and I'd be ready... I just procrastinate everything til the last minute.

I think I am sooooo excited to travel again. It's almost been 4yrs since we went to Kenya, and before that I had done a lot of international travel. I looooooove to travel, so I actually look forward to the airports, planes, and such. It is all like one big adventure to me. I am excited to learn about Ethiopia first hand.... to taste, hear, and see it all! But of course, I am MOST excited about meeting the girl who has stolen my heart.... but that I also what I am nervous about...

I'm nervous, because I don't wanna go into the ugly cry when I meet her and scare her.... I'll be fighting back the tears. I think I'm more nervous about meeting her, visiting her multiple times, and then leaving her. Yes, for those of you who don't know... this is the first of 2 trips. This is the "court trip" and then we have the "embassy trip" where we bring her home. And we do not know the time span between the two trips. Could be 4wks or 4months is what I tell most people.

So, for my praying friends here are some prayer requests:
-We have a court hearing (that we don't have to be at) on December 1st. Pray that our approval letter is done & there that day!

-The court date we appear for is on December 14th. Pray we pass court, so that she can become our offical DAUGHTER that day!

-Pray that Joel doesn't have to drag me away to get me on the plane home ;) Pray that I find comfort in the Lord and continue to trust Him to meet our daughter's needs. Pray that my emotions don't rule my heart.

-Pray that after court our file quickly gets submitted to the embassy and we are cleared and given travel dates. Please pray the last step goes very quickly & smoothly, that every paper is in place.

Dear Olive,

2011-10-13T10:57:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to tell you how much I love you. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't think about you and pray for you... it's pretty much all the time!

I really love you more and more each day. Your daddy & I are currently waiting to find out when we get to come meet you, and the anticipation is killer! We have gotten updates on you with pictures and you are really started to look like a big girl. I get a lil sad seeing you get bigger, but am more thankful that you are so healthy & happy... you are smiling in almost every picture!!! I know you are being love & well taken care of, and that eases my restless heart.

Here are some things I know about you that I love already:

-You have the biggest most beautiful brown eyes with extra long eye lashes!

((I can't wait to give you Eskimo kisses with those lashes))

-Your hair is getting long and is looks crazy curly... it's adorable!

((I'm excited to attempt to style it))

-Your height & weight are almost the exact same as your sister Lyla's was at that age.. your a petite lil lady.

((which means you will get all her old clothes!))

-They describe you as being a great eater, very sweet, loves to be held, and doesn't like to be put down.

((sounds like I'm gonna have my hands full))

I'm already calling you "Ollie", "baby girl", "baby love", "lil sis"

Your big sister Lyla talks about you all the time. She wants you to come home so you can have tea parties and jump on the bed with her ;) I also think she is looking forward to bossing you around... I'll try to limit that.

I know it is going to be a big change for you to come home, and that it will be hard for you. I pray for God to prepare your heart to become a part of our family. I will help you when you are confused & scared at all the new things in your life.... we will try to be super patient and graceful with you, showering you with love.

Did I mention that I love you sooooooooo much?!

I can't wait to be your Mommy.

I am not normal and this is not a fad

2011-10-10T21:33:00.000-07:00

11yr old Kerry

Interesting fact about me... I was eleven years old the first time i went to India -without my parents.
((I know, not exactly normal -long story))

The ONLY other place I had flown to before India, was Disney World in Orlando, FL ;)

India was a lil bit different than the Magic Kingdom to say the least...

Don't get the wrong idea, I love India. I went back when I was 21. It is a beautiful wonderful place, but it is not America... not the small small sheltered town I grew up in.

There were lots of beggars and homeless people in the cities... lots.
The poverty was shocking...

I haven't shared this with many people before
but ONE woman will never leave my mind....
a very very thin woman sitting on the street with her hand out beggy for money with her lifeless baby in her arms...lifeless. dead. obviously dead. right in front of my young eyes. it was real... too real.

My baby crazy, 11 year old little heart was shattered... shocked... stunned.

I told a few people when I got back to America and soon realized that is not something that most people wanna hear...

But, many years later, I can still see her face...the need...the despair...
I will never forget her face.
I know God used my time in India at such a young age to form me into the person I am today. To open my eyes to what breaks His heart.
I can't turn my face away and "act like I didn't just see that"

God has etched in my heart a bigger picture. He designed my heart to really care for & love those in "need", but more than that... to loooooong for JUSTICE.

Sometimes I have wished that I didn't get sick to my stomach when i walk into supermarkets... debate in my mind if I should buy myself a new pair of shoes for months... get side-tracked thinking about those without parents or food or water... add up in my mind how much something cost vs. how many children could be sponsored with that money, etc. (you get the idea)

I think of many faces of people I met while doing medical clinics in India (when I went back at age 21)... the man who I picked maggots out of his leg... the lil girl whose feet were severely wounded from no shoes... the woman dying before my eyes...

Then from our trip to Africa...the orphans in Kenya I held and rocked to sleep, I remember all their names... the widow dying of AIDS in the slum...

I left parts of my heart in India & Africa. I think about it all often.
But no, I am praying for God to break my heart more. I want to care about the things that He cares about... not what everyone else cares about. My life is still super comfortable... I am still super selfish.

I am not a part of a fad of people who think it's cool to adopt or love poor people in Africa. Yes, the need is there and very real. There are needs EVERYWHERE. Joel & I have spent years pouring into middle class white teenagers, because the need is there too.

But, I believe, we are just doing a small part of God's work... what He gives us the privilege of doing. God is moving, saving, and redeeming all over the world.... and, I honestly think that if your not in on what He is doing... then you are missing out. The more I love God, the more my heart yearns to see redemption in this world & the next. That's why there are others who have a huge heart for Africa or adoption or mission trips. (I'm not the only crazy one)

Adopting one child will not fix the orphan crisis. Going on a mission trip will not fix poverty. Investing into some one's life will not make all their problems disappear. That's not the point. It's not all about "fixing" everything, it's about loving God and loving others more than I love myself. And guess what, I grow and change and benefit in more ways that I can describe.

I'm storing up my treasures in heaven.

I will keep fighting for justice.

yes, I am not normal. no, this is not a fad.

Care package

2011-08-22T18:36:00.000-07:00

One month ago we first saw her sweet face!!!

We know that Olive is being very well taken care of at our agency's foster home, but I feel very blessed to be able to send her a personal care package from us. Just makes a momma's heart feel very comforted!

We've had so much fun getting together this package to send to Olive. A wonderful momma from my agency is taking it to Ethiopia for me very soon. I love my fellow adoptive mommas!!!

Here's what I'm sending:
-A soft baby photo book with pics of me, Joel, and Lyla ... hopefully she might recognize our faces from those pictures.

-I found these postcards where you can record messages, so 3 of the pictures have messages with them. One of me talking to her, another with Joel talking to her, the third of Joel & I singing a worship song we always sing to Lyla before bed. ((I wish you could have been a fly on the wall as we recorded those... it took many "takes" cause I'd start laughing every time... lol it was fun, to say the least))
It's neat to think she'll hear our voices, even though she doesn't understand English.

-My mom got her some cute socks... I love lil socks ;)

-"Sweet Pea" which is a lil teddy lovie that Lyla has used on & off, and she agreed to give it to Olive to "keep her company" until she gets home. Joel & I have been sleeping with it so it smells like use <3

- 2 girlie outfits, which I cried picking out at Walmart :)
Oh, and a couple flower headbands for fun!

(sorry for the cell phone pictures.. haha)

I started falling in love with this girl on the other side of the world a long time ago, and being able to do all of this just makes me love her more!

We now know that we will not know anything regarding a court date until October or November or later... but, we really don't know at all... and I'm okay with that. Do I love it?.. no... but, who would.

Why? you ask... because, it is not something I have control over. I am not going to let myself put my thoughts & energy into worrying or being upset over the fact that I cannot have her home with me yet. It could still be a long road ahead of us, but when she is home (God willing) she will be home forever! I am choosing to focus my energy on preparing our hearts & home for her arrival. I am choosing to be thankful, and I am very thankful.

Plus, it is comforting for me to realize that she is not sitting over in Africa "waiting" for us to come get her... she doesn't really even know who we are, and I think she is probably pretty happy where she is. She is surrounded by familiar loving caregivers, toys, and other kids her age. Yes, it will be wonderful for her to finally have a family, but she will actually be very upset to leave all that she is comfortable with. I have to remind myself of this often, so that I can pray often for her AND prepare my heart & mind to give her the love she needs.

-Kerry

on my way to work the other night...

2011-08-08T19:55:00.000-07:00

I'm listening to pandora, and "Won't You Be My Love" by Mercy Me comes on; verse 2 yanked at my heart & made a cry ((for obvious reasons))...

[Verse 2:] "The other side of the world She is just a few days old
A helpless little girl With no family of her own
She is not to blame for the journey she is on
Her life is no mistake
Won't you lead her to My cross?
[Chorus 1:] Won't you be My voice calling Won't you be My hands healing Won't you be My feet walking into a broken world Won't you be My chain-breaker Won't you be My peacemaker Won't you be My hope and joy
Won't you be My Love"

I feel honored that God has called Joel & I to be His voice, hands, feet, & chain-breaker. This is all about Him, this is all about His love... He is love.

That's why this blog is titled "because He first loved us..."

I kinda cringe inside and don't always know how to respond when people say, "what a good thing you're doing" or "good for you, I could never do that" (taking about us adopting) ... I'm not cringing because I am passing judgement on them (I have said the same thing to others many times for one reason or another), but cringing because IT IS NOT ABOUT ME or Joel or our lil family.

It is about a radical love that we are responding to... the radical love of Jesus. Nothing out of obligation or guilt, but because we love Him and want to give our whole lives to Him. Plus, I know soooo many others who sacrifice so much more for God's Kingdom...way more than we do. We are not special or just super nice people by any means... we are far from it.

But seriously, I love this life because I am not afraid of what lies ahead... yes there are MANY unknowns, but His love drives out all the fear. One of our pastors said the other week, "it is so un-Amercian to be uncomfortable".. how true is that? But, what God has been teaching me, is that it is so awesome and rewarding to move outside of the "comfort zone" because it is truly where I am called to be. I am mostly just really excited to be living my life for Him and not for myself. Like I said, it really is not about me!

IT'S ALL ABOUT THIS...

"God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. 17 This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. 18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

19 We love because he first loved us. 20 Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. 21 And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister."

1John 4:16-21

To Him be the Glory,
Kerry

p.s. here is my new favorite picture of Lyla that I snapped before Joel's cousin Kathryn's wedding 2wks ago... melt my heart! I was excited, because she is not a fan of the camera.

Psalm 52:8

2011-08-07T19:33:00.000-07:00

So, about 4 months ago I was having a rough day. I was feeling very worry & sad about our adoption. It was looking like adopting from Ethiopia was going to take a lot longer than we originally thought (not wise to have things "planned out" in your head when it comes to adoption or lots of other things for that matter)... I had come to grips with having to wait how ever long it takes... and Joel & I agreed we felt like our child was in Ethiopia, and we would continue on this road til every door closes (and locks)... but none the less, I was sad.

I wanted to know our child was okay, I wanted to see his/her face, I wanted to know his/her name!

I was having a bit of a pity party, and Lyla was napping ...so I decided to sit & cry (good solution, right?). Then, the Bible sitting on my kitchen table was staring me in the face... I was reluctant to pick it up, because it was feeling kinda good to feel sorry for myself, but boy am I glad I did. I opened up to Psalms ..started reading... and then got to Psalm 52:8 "But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God's unfailing love forever and ever."

It hit me like a ton of bricks, the voice in my head (which I knew was coming from Jesus) said, "Her name is Olive, I will make her strong, she is okay, I am taking care of her." This has only happened to me a couple of other times in my life... I knew it was the Lord speaking to my soul. It was cool...very cool. Immediate peace & confidence came over me...thank you Jesus for those moments.

So, I immediately called Joel and told him that we have a daughter in Ethiopia...God is growing her strong...and we are to name her Olive. Now, mind you we have a very difficult time agreeing on any baby names... but Joel's response was, "Okay, I love it!" -I was ready to fight for this name, but there was no battle to be won ;)
We had been talking about baby names for a long time, but never "loved" any til then.

So, I've been telling people for months about it ... telling them we have a girl (even though we were still open to either gender)...

AND, apparently I wasn't just going crazy, cause two Fridays ago... I saw the beautiful face of the girl we hope to soon be our daughter... and I FELL IN LOVE!

Yes, we got "the call"/ our referral!!! It was a day I will never forget. Yes, I was completely surprised, screamed, and almost passed out when Joel called me and said, "where are you?!? I just drove home, cause we have our referral!!!!"

Of course, I had missed the call as I was driving to my sister Maria's house, and ignored the voicemail notification (thinking it was my work asking me if I wanted to pick up a shift..since no one else leaves voicemails usually). Maria & I were talking about decorating ideas for her living room while the kids were playing...then Joel called!

I had no idea my life was about to be changed forever. I had been guarding my heart against thinking that every time my phone rang it might be my agency with "the call".... cause I started to get disappointed daily, which is no fun. So, it really really shocked me ...Joel had to then drive to Maria's house, because I was crying & shaking & in no condition to drive! It was really cool that Ben & Maria got to be there, and Lyla was occupied playing with her cousins. Also, it was perfect cause Joel had already taken the day off, because his friend Andrew came in from Chicago to visit... which was double great, cause Andrew then got to video us seeing her for the first time.

waiting for our caseworker to call us back, now that we are together and "ready"

((I'm shaking & sweating profusely))

Seeing her face for the first time... can you tell we are excited?!?

I have journaled about it all, but wanted to finally post a little about it on the blog. If you have run into me in the past 2 weeks, then you've probably seen her picture :)

We think she is the best thing since sliced bread, and are more than excited. But, she seriously is mega super cute & gorgeous, no joke! We do plan to name her Olive and use her birth name for her middle name.
(( FYI- Since she is not legally our daughter, I will not be posting any pictures or information- sorry.))

I still feel like I am kinda in shock & trying to process it all, but of course I am completely overjoyed. We fell in love the moment we saw her face & can't stop staring at her pictures!!!

Lyla calls her "baby Ahhwiv" and loves looking at her pictures and going in her room. I don't think she fully understands it all, but one day she will.

It was joyous sharing the news with our wonderful family & friends, and they all think she's grand too.

Now, we wait for a court date. The courts close from August-October 5th, for the rainy season in Ethiopia, so we won't hear anything til October.

Please continue to pray for our family...that all our hearts would be prepared to welcome "Olive" into our family... that every paper would be in place for the rest of this process, and that court & embassy dates would run smoothly ... that God would move mountains to bring her home sooner than we think possible.

Blessed beyond measure,
Kerry

changes

2011-06-12T21:49:00.000-07:00

Lots of changes... lots. BIG changes.
whew... here we go, I'll try to keep this as short as possible ;)

As most of you know, Joel and I have been Young Life (YL) leaders for years. Joel has for over 5 years, and I have for about 4 years. We love Young Life. It means more to us than I could ever explain... it has been our life for as long as we have known each other (and longer for Joel). We have spent at least 4-5 nights/week with our Young Life ~~friends~~ family. We have witnessed God save our high school friends with the power of His Gospel. So many lives have been changed, but Joel and I are the ones who have been changed the most.

May 23rd was our last club for the school year, and our last club (possible forever or for awhile)...I can't really say forever about anything. I cried a lot on that Monday during the day.. I was a ball of mixed emotions. We decided at the beginning of the year that we would stop officially leading at the end of the school year (originally thinking we would be traveling to Ethiopia this summer).

There are many other reasons for our decision (besides the adoption), and it is one of the hardest decisions we have ever made... but we know it is right. Feel free to email me or talk to me in person if you have any questions or comments about it all, it's hard to explain all of this via a blog!

The best way I can explain it is: God has been directing us to spend time caring for our marriage & family before we bring home our child from Ethiopia. We are not falling apart or anything, but we could for sure use some strengthening and time together.

For those of you who have adopted or know well those who have, you probably understand how involved the transition period of bringing a child into your family can be... and I understand that not everyone understands how crucial that time is, and that's okay. We know that it's not wise for us to continue at the pace we have been going. We still want to be involved in our students and fellow leaders lives, but also leave room to properly care for all that God has entrusted us with. First and foremost we want to continue to love Jesus more than anything and follow the Spirit's guiding. We are not about to just move into new a cushy & comfortable lifestyle... I actually think our life will be more challenging, but in totally different ways. Everything we are used to and comfortable with is all about to change.

Oh my, I love all our YL ~~friends~~ family so much...I always will! Here are some of the things I soooo love:

I love singing and dancing like a crazy lady with students at club.
I love being a part of a community that is totally "sold out" for His Kingdom.
I love having bible studies meet in my basement.. singing worship to God and learning straight from His word.
I love watching my husband be a fool for Christ, preach, or play the guitar.
I love praying for students in our high school by name.
I love being there through divorces, break-ups, and fights with friends.
I love how Lyla jumps up & down shouting everyones' names as they walk in our door.
I love having students and fellow leaders walk right in my front door and open the frig or pantry (seriously!).
I love talking 1:1 with girls as they "get" the Gospel for the first time, and watching Jesus change lives right before my very eyes!

Amber & I at YL camp last summer...too many memories to remember!

I have so much I could say about our wonderful students, and the YL ministry in our area... but then this post would then go on forever.
AND...In that same week (as our "last" club), Joel got an offer for a new job. So, he will soon be starting a new job as a graphic designer/animator at Crossroads Church. We are super excited about this job, and feel very blessed for this opportunity. It is a really good job at a really awesome church.... ahhh, I don't think it has even sunk in!

He actually starts his new job tomorrow. So, this also means that we have been going to this church and will now become a part of that community. We love the church, and are super excited that God has brought us there. I do have to say that we love our former church so much, but know that this is another new direction God is leading us in.

So, this also meant that we got to go on vacation with Joel's entire family last week to Outer Banks, NC! We didn't even think we would get to go on our annual Gautraud beach trip this year, because we needed to save up vacation time for the adoption AND Joel was suppose to go to Chicago for a business trip. But, God perfectly worked it out so that last week was his last week at his old job (using that vacation time). It really reminded us that God is in every detail, and even cares about us spending time together as a family! It was an awesome week staying in a house with 21 people, YES 21 PEOPLE... that is part of our immediate family on Joel's side ((we actually have 29 people... but 2 of his siblings and their families couldn't come... did I mention that 3 of the women are pregnant, and with our adoption that will make 33 people (15 of which are grandchildren).. WOW.. that is the first time I've added that up)). OH, it was crazy... but crazy awesome. I love them ALL so much.

the whole gang (funny how you can't see Lyla's face due to hair in the face)

Did I mention how much I adore being "Mommy" to this girl?!

Lyla with her best friends/cousins- Lucy & Kate
These girls were inseparable all week!

I have come to realize that I had put God in a box of what I was familiar with.. Young Life and our church (my pride often caused me to criticize others who lived outside of this box). It has been awesome to see Jesus in a totally different light...marriage, parenting, adoption, new job, new church... He is working in so many different places, and there are other great biblical ministries and churches, and it is really cool! Who new, I don't know it all?!?

I am happy to say that God showed me my pride...humbled me ((a little bit, I still need some more of that)), and normally these changes would have totally freaked me out... but, because of His awesome GRACE- I am totally ready, willing, and excited to follow Him and go where He is calling us! So, LET'S GO! (okay, now I sound like Dora the Explorer.. time to go to bed)

our attempt at a family picture.. never very successful with a toddler

p.s.
In an email to my caseworker letting her know about Joel's new job, I also reminded her "feel free to call us with our referral anytime ;)" .. haha, but seriously... I wanna see our child's face so bad! (But I'll wait for God's perfect timing, of course)

thank you... EVERYONE!!!

2011-05-19T11:40:00.000-07:00

So I am always late on sending thank you cards (if I send them at all)... I feel bad about it, but when you have over 400 people at your wedding and then have a baby less than a year later, some things just don't get completed. I am always very appreciative for any gift I receive, but I am just not good at sitting down and finishing thank you cards. I think much of the problem is due to the fact that I like to write a small book in every card (what can I say?...I'm a "talker"). It shamefully took me a whole year to do my wedding ones, and I never completed the ones from my baby showers (sorry mom, I know this drives you nuts). I have have actually written all the thank yous to the people who have donated to our adoption through Lifesong.

Anways, I say all of that to say: I need to thank just about EVERYONE I know! ((and some people I have never even met)) Why? Because, just about everyone I have ever known has already taken part in our adoption (which has been one of the coolest things I have every experienced).

Most of you wonderful people have either bought one of our adoption shirts, sold adoption shirts to all your friends & family, generously given us a donation towards our adoption, or have prayed for us. We appreciate each of you more than you could ever know. Because of God's providence through all of you, we actually believe we have all the funds to complete our adoption... yes, you heard me right... 100%!!! To me, it is a miracle. I was asked by Lifesong to share our story (which I have been wanting to type out for months)... so here it is (sorry, of course it is long... but gooooood):

Dearest Lifesong for Orphans/Just Love Them, Show Hope, and friends & family,

Thank you for being such an amazing instrument in God's plan to care for orphans. BIG thank you for making it possible for us to be a part of His plan!

God made it known to us from the start of our marriage that we would add to our family through the gift of adoption. He spelled it out very clearly, when we went on our honeymoon to Kenya in January 2008. Through a crazy course of events that only God could orchestrate, we unexpectedly spent a week loving orphans at a HIV/AIDS orphanage in Nairobi. While this orphanage provided excellent care for the children, it was clear that they still needed people to permanently call mom and dad.

Never being able to forget those children, we officially started our adoption paperwork in April 2010. This was about the time that it started to hit me that we were really doing this. About the time that I started to sinfully worry A LOT, and mostly about money. Worry about the estimated $27,000 bill for adoption costs that was staring me in the face. We only had a couple thousand of dollars saved, and I almost felt irresponsible starting the process. We don't make much money and had worked hard to be debt free, so I feared having to go into debt. How would we ever come up with that amount of money? I would up at night thinking "maybe I could work a lot more at the hospital... maybe we could do this fundraiser or that...Joel could pick up side jobs on the weekends... well let me get out my calculator and figure this all out.." I was losing sleep.

Then God shut me up, as He reminded me, "For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." (Isaiah 41:13). He kept telling my heart, "this is no problem for me."

So, we made simple changes in our lives: stopped eating out, stopped buying things we didn't absolutely need, and I started planning inexpensive meals and grocery shopped with intent. We had enough money saved to pay the initial fees! Then my car died and needed a $1,600 repair... WHAT?! I was discouraged, but God said, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33).

So we pressed on, and praise God the money was there for all the initial fees (but it was tight). I felt like we had come so far, until I remembered the remaining $20,000 staring me in the face. But, I ignored the numbers and continued to listen to His voice. Thankfully my dear husband does not struggle with worrying like me, so he remained calm (which was very helpful). As I wrestled with my temptations to fear and doubt, Jesus was faithful to relieve me of my fears and I finally felt free of them.

I was so excited to have our homestudy complete in September 2010 (after some paperwork messes), because I knew that meant I could apply for grants! I had done a lot of research and decided to first apply for a grant with Lifesong for Orphans, and then also with ShowHope. We made some adoption t-shirts in the mean time, and were able to raise almost $2,000 through those...I was blown away!!!

We were then overjoyed to receive notice from Lifesong on November 9th, that we were rewarded at $3,000 matching grant from them through Just Love Them (an adoption ministry in AZ who gave Lifesong the grant). I jumped up and down with tears rolling down my face. We soon sent out our fundraising letters, and were blown away by the response. I went into it with no expectations, but our amazing friends and family gave a total of $7,600... so a total of $10,600 with the matching grant! I could hardly speak for days, as I remained in awe of God's providence. On January 7, 2011, I wrote Lifesong an email describing how blown away I was. I had recalculated all our remaining expenses to be around $4,600 and then days later got a letter from ShowHope.... we were rewarded a $4,000 grant from them!... ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!? I told everyone I saw "It's a miracle!" He hears our prayers, He cares, and sometimes He does the exact thing we at one time completely doubted He will do. If you are thinking about adopting, or in process... please don't let the money hold you back. God really cares about orphans, and He will make a way. Step out in faith... even if it's just a lil faith... ask Him to increase it! "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you. " (Matthew 17:20)

We now think we have all our potential adoption expenses saved, as we continue to wait for our referral...which is amazing! It is not easy waiting for "that call" and waiting to travel to meet our child, but through His grace we wait without financial burden. We wait knowing that He is worthy of our trust, and praise. We wait with complete confidence that we have a son or daughter in Ethiopia that Jesus loves way more than we do. He will not leave or forsake us or our child.

"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you." (John 14:18)

Grace Upon Grace,

Kerry, Joel, and Lyla Gautraud

two very thankful people :)

Easter 2011

It is finished!

2011-04-22T12:04:00.000-07:00

I was driving into work last week, and I was in a bad mood. It had been one of those ~~days~~ weeks where I seemed to think "everything" was going wrong. I gave Joel a pitiful side hug as I left, he said "have a great night" and I just gave a blank stare back (what a sweet wife, right?). I just felt blah...

I usually work night shift so it was about 10:30pm, and I was ready to go to bed... not ready to work til 7:30am. I always listen to "Focus on the Family" and "Insight for Living" radio programs on the drive to work, so of course God chose to use my 30min drive to correct my awful attitude.

On "Insight for Living", Chuck Swindoll read this story about a woman trying to grocery shop after just losing her husband. The older woman couldn't decide how to shop for just one person... then she saw a young woman trying to decide whether or not to buy some steaks... the young woman turned to the older woman and said "my husband loves steak, but at these prices..." and put them back. The older woman said "my husband just died last week.... buy the steaks." *At this point, I am crying....

He finished the story and then read this:

Even though I clutch my blanket and growl when the alarm rings. Thank you, Lord, that I can hear. There are many who are deaf.

Even though I keep my eyes closed against the morning light as long as possible. Thank you, Lord, that I can see. Many are blind.

Even though I huddle in my bed and put off rising. Thank you, Lord, that I have the strength to rise. There are many who are bedridden.

Even though the first hour of my day is hectic, when socks are lost, toast is burned and tempers are short, my children are so loud.

Thank you, Lord, for my family. There are many who are lonely.

Even though our breakfast table never looks like the pictures in magazines and the menu is at times unbalanced. Thank you, Lord, for the food we have. There are many who are hungry.

Even though the routine of my job often is monotonous. Thank you, Lord, for the opportunity to work. There are many who have no job.

Even though I grumble and bemoan my fate from day to day and wish my circumstances were not so modest. Thank you, Lord, for life.

This simple story rocked my dumb attitude. I can be so stinkin ungrateful... so blind to the truth, because I can only see what I want. I walked into the hospital I work at, and was instantly reminded of the patients in that building. Children and babies suffering and hanging onto life, and parents begging God for them to be healed. And I think somehow the I have it rough??? I don't think so!

My sin is ugly. I hate it. I grumble and get frustrated at the very people I could never imagine living without! How silly is that... it really doesn't make any sense! As if they just are getting in my way?? I started to think about what my life would look like without Joel & Lyla, and I could hardly breathe. I cannot imagine life without my family.

I really dislike grocery shopping, especially with a toddler who says "can I get out of the cart?" every 5 seconds (if fact, I put off shopping til it's totally necessary).... but what would it be like to suddenly be grocery shopping alone, for just me? So what, my house isn't super clean and my toddler doesn't obey me every time (or very often).... so what that my life is busy and chaotic at times, and I have so many things left on my "to do" list. When did I start thinking that my life was suppose to look & be perfect? Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves? As if I am the only wife & mom who doesn't have it "all together"?!? When did I forget that God doesn't really care much about my "to do" list, but cares a lot about my heart and how I love Him and the people around me?

Here is what God showed me I need to do: shut up, repent, and be thankful! Thankfully, my attitude has been much better (not perfect, but better) ever since! I am so thankful for His GRACE.

And since today is Good Friday, I must mention that the thing I am most thankful for is... Jesus. Thank you Jesus for taking my sin and nailing it to the cross. Thank you that because of your death and resurrection, I have the power to see and overcome my sin. Thank you that you took care of my biggest problem when you said "It is finished!" (John 19:30) and cancelled my debt forever! Thanks for finishing what you came to do.

To my dear sweet family,
I cannot thank God enough for you. Please forgive me for the times when I get frustrated and forget to be thankful for every moment I have with you. I pray our lives are full of more smiles & laughter each and every day! I love you.

The messiness of life is beautiful after all :)

the space between

2011-04-13T10:00:00.000-07:00

I have tried to write blog posts for the past two months, but have talked myself out of it every time. We remain in a time of "waiting". There has been so much uncertainly lately, that's it has been hard to put anything into words. Plus, I am really working on not complaining (still working on that) & there are just some things I don't want to try to explain or share on the world wide web.

Adoption can be a roller coaster, but it is one that is well worth the ride. The array of emotions that I experience on any given day are quite vast... but emotions come and go. All we know is that we are committed to seeing this through, no matter the difficulties. Nobody said this was going to be easy!

Through all the uncertainties that have been and are yet to come, there are some things that will never change: God & His Word. This season has caused me to fall on my knees in prayer & stay in God's Word more than I have in a long time... and it is a very good thing. He calms my restless heart and gives me peace & joy.

I choose to stop worrying, to stop complaining, to stop thinking it's all about me, and to stop thinking I need to know it all. Instead, I choose to be quiet & still before my Lord, obey and trust Him. I choose thankfulness! No, I do not understand it all... but, that is not my job. My job is to love Him and I do!

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." -Jeremiah 29: 11-13

heavy heart

2011-02-27T10:49:00.000-08:00

There have been a few times since we started this process that I have been overwhelmingly burdened for our baby in Ethiopia... a strong pull on my heart that I don't know what to do with, except pray. The only way I can think to describe it, is I have a "heavy heart". It's not about fear or anxiety or me being impatient, or any of my other sinful tendencies. It's about things I don't even know of or understand, and I don't think it comes from me. (Have I lost you yet?) Well, this "heavy heart" symptom happened one other time in late October/ early November and then again this week starting on 2/21/11. I have a feeling the baby going through a hard time now. I wonder if maybe the baby was born in the fall, and is getting put in an orphanage now... or maybe I'm way off. I obviously don't really know, but the Lord does. I can only trust the Lord that He will comfort him/her. I do trust Him. I know He is there. He told me so through a li blond curly head 2 yr name Lyla...

Thursday night I was rocking Lyla as I always do before I lay her down. Sometimes she calms down and cuddles with me for a few minutes, but other times I'm lucky to get a few moments (she's never been a big cuddler, much to my dismay). But Thursday was different. We prayed together for many things, including our baby in Africa. The weight on my heart became unbearable. It was a bad thing though. Then I started to sing "amazing love" and began to weep like a baby. And, what happened next rocked my world: my 2 yr old gently held my face with her lil chubby hands, and started to wipe the tears off my cheeks, and transplant them onto her face. God used my daughter to comfort me. Sweetest thing ever. God's love displayed. He will be there in Africa to wipe away the tears...

Our baby is going to come with a broken heart. It is breaking my heart just to think about it. As Lyla wiped away my tears, it was like God was teaching me:
"Kerry, I need to break your heart for this baby, so that you can give it to me. Give me your heart, so that I can fill it with the love and grace this child needs to heal. I love this child more than you do, my heart also breaks for this child... I died for this child. Remember Kerry how I was the one who loved you first, saved you, and adopted you as my daughter? I (God) will be the one healing this child's heart. And yes, I will use you and Joel in the process. If you let my Spirit take over, I will fix it."

So this reminded me of a passage in Romans I have been studying:

"So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, “Abba, Father.” For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children. And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering."
-Romans 8:15-17

And also, reminded me of one of my favorite Coldplay songs:

"When you try your best, but you don't succeed

When you get what you want, but not what you need

When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace

When you love someone, but it goes to waste

Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you"

Dear Baby in Ethiopia,

I do not like that you are having to go through hard times right now. But while I do not like it, God is using it for your good and His Glory. I pray for a lot of things for you. But my most important prayer of all, is that you will recieve God's Spirit and be adopted as His son or daughter. That your Spirit would join with His Spirit. Yes, I look forward to you becoming our son or daughter... but nothing is more important than being a child of God. Nothing else will fix you... not even me.

Puzzle Pieces

2011-02-17T18:59:00.000-08:00

So I wanted to write this post a couple months ago, but I didn't get around to it. Nevertheless, what I am about to type has been on my heart and mind this winter soooo much. I want to take a moment and look back on what God has done the past 3 or so years. A lot has happened! After all, He and He alone deserves the glory.

When Joel and I were dating, "our song" was "Such Great Heights" by The Postal Service.. ;) hehe silly love birds!
It became our song, because of the lyrics:
"And I have to speculate that God himself did make us into corresponding shapes like puzzle pieces from the clay.." (awww, precious. I know. but so true for us.)

In fact, I am just recalling that Valentine's Day 2007 Joel made a mixed CD of all our favorite songs that he played and recorded himself... such a romantic! He also gave me a box with these in it:

Joel happens to be a very talented musician and artist, and won me over with many awesome gifts like this while we were dating. I absolutely love that about him. Hence why I said I'd be his wife after just 7 months of dating!

Anyways, that was a total side story.... but I had to bring up the puzzle pieces. The puzzle pieces do have significant meaning, because Joel & I knew that God was joining us together with a bigger picture in mind. We met when we were 21 and had almost nothing in common, except that we both really loved Jesus. We both knew we would get married soon after admitting we liked each other... we were seriously talking about baby names at week 2!!! ahh haha

We would talk about how we are just two simple little pieces in a giant 1,000,000 piece puzzle that God is weaving together. We realize that more today than ever. Our marriage so far has not been easy by any means, but I love Joel more today than I ever have. And, we are both more excited about how God might use us than we ever have been. Our pastor recently took a service to look back and give glory to God on what He has done in our church and what we have to look forward to, and it was awesome. It made me think about my life, and how I am so thankful for all that God has done in my life and for what He is and will do.

3 years ago on December 30, 2007 we got married. We had only known each other since May 2006, started dating in August 2006, got engaged March 24th, 2007... we didn't know much, but knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with each other! We also wanted everyone in the world to know, so we spent the day with over 400 of our friends and family... it was unbelievable!!!

The next day, we had planned to leave for Kenya in the afternoon. So, we woke up and I insisted that we open all of our presents and cards (like a kid on Christmas morning). Had I fully packed yet? Of course not, because I am a huge procrastinator. Well after opening all our presents we get a phone call from Joel's brother, "Joel, Kenya is all over the news... there are riots and a war is pretty much breaking out over the election!" We had no clue what was going on. We didn't have a TV or internet and "smart phones" were yet to be invented. So we rushed over to Joel's parents and got on Skype to call our friends and travel agent guy in Kenya. The travel guy said pretty much everyone was canceling their trips, but he thought he would be okay if we still came. Both of us were strangely fearless (well Joel is always fearless, but I am usually not), and said "If we can get on a plane, lets go!"

We flew into London, and the people in customs asked "Where is your final destination?" ... we explained, "Nairobi" and she exclaimed, "You don't want to go there! A war is breaking out.. it is not safe! They are about to shut down all flights to Nairobi!" Then later we sat waiting at our gate (with the like 20 other people who hadn't cancelled their flights) and CNN had live footage of people being shot and riots in Nairobi... THE CITY WE WERE GETTING READY TO FLY TO! And it hit me for the first time "Kerry, you might be going to Kenya to die" and a peace came over me saying "Oh well, at least you will be in heaven with Jesus then!" We had no clue what was going to happen once we got there, but we jumped on that plane and were actually excited to see what was in store. Joel actually read "The Treasure Principle" by Randy Alcorn to me on the flight there, which totally rocked our world about giving sacrificially!

To make a very long story short, we had planned to spend about 2 weeks in Kenya. The first half of the trip we would travel & safari, and we did. We had the most amazing honeymoon anyone could ever dream up. I had been dreaming of going to Africa most of my life, and it was more beautiful than I could have ever dreamed up!

Masai Mara Safari

Collage of pictures from safari, orphanage, and Kibera

The second half of our trip we made arrangements to stay at the Mayfield Guest House (a lovely guest home where missionaries from all over Africa and the world stay, we met some of the coolest people ever there!) and during the day we planned to go to the slum of Kibera and volunteer at a orphanage for teenagers that we had connections with. Some girls in my nursing class had been on mission trips to Kibera, and we were super excited to love the youth there (since we are young life leaders here). Well Kibera became the instant "hot spot" for mass violence, murdering, and riots after the election (the Presidential candidate that lost was from Kibera).

Kenya had not seen violence like this in 25yrs... thousands died and many more became displaced. Everyone was really shaken up to say the least. The stories and scenes were devastating (that is a whole other story). Our Kenyan friends said there was no way we were safe to go to Kibera, and not to mention they had evacuated all the teenagers from the orphanage to safer ground. They said the only safe place they could think of for us to go during the day would be a gated orphanage a few blocks away.

So, we spent the next week at this amazing orphanage that a British couple started in Nairobi. The orphanage was even more "up my alley", because it is an orphanage for children 3yrs and under and they take in abandoned sick babies and babies with HIV/AIDS. There was literally a sign on their gate that described the hours that they are open to accept babies. They had a book of "before" and "after" pictures, showing the babies totally emaciated and malnourished and a few months later fat and happy. After the first day, we got back to our room at the Mayfield House and talked about how we knew God wanted us to adopt. We had at least three children in particular that we were already in love with. We jumped on the computer to quickly find out that international adoption is complicated and adopting from Kenya is extremely difficult even if you meet the requirements, which we didn't :(

But, we went back day after day to enjoy every moment we had there. Both of us had one or two or three kids in our arms that whole week. We would just stare across the room at each other with eyes of "isn't this the best thing ever... I'm in love!" We did not know who had HIV and who didn't, and we quickly learned that it didn't matter. From nursing school I knew that the virus could only be transmitted by sex, mother to baby, and IV drug use. It was so cool for both of us to break through that stigma and see that they were happy healthy babies, and it was okay for them to snot, slobber, and puke on us... and we could kiss on them!!! It was so powerful to think that most of them would not have lived without the care, medicine, and love they were receiving in that wonderful orphanage.

one of the babies at the orphanage in Nairobi

I now know that God orchestrated all those events to bring us to where we are today. It was heartbreaking that we could not adopt the children we fell in love with in Kenya, but in the end God broke our hearts for orphans. I still recall the emotions I had as I looked at those children for the last time and ~~walked~~ was dragged by Joel out of the orphanage. God showed us that they are not just statistics or sad faces on TV, but that they are His beautiful children with names and souls. As we go through our adoption process, I have been reliving the whole experience in my mind. I still think of and pray for those lil ones, and I like to think that we are honoring their lives by adopting today. It is so crazy to think that God had to take us to the other side of the world to reveal part of His plan for our lives, but I'm so glad He did. It is funny to think that we had no clue what was coming when we stood up and said "I DO!" and then got on that plane.

Lyla is the "L" piece in our puzzle, and we are just waiting for the next piece. I am so glad that God knows exactly who our child is in Africa and has ordained each of his/her days in His book before one of them came to be (Psalm 139:16). God loves adoption. He adopted us. He is sovereign. He is so cool!!!

((So I was also gonna write about 2yrs ago when Lyla was born (becoming a mommy) & we bought & remodeled our house, and then 1yr ago when the earthquake in Haiti reminded me of our promise to God to adopt..... but obviously this turned into a looong post! Owell, you get the idea!))

Can't put it into words... "Created for Care"

2011-02-11T12:31:00.000-08:00

So I'm majorly struggling here... I so badly want to share about what I experienced last weekend at the "Created for Care" conference, but I am coming up short. To be honest, I still feel blown away by it all...

so here is my best attempt to say what I'm trying to say (sorry if it doesn't make sense):
I thought I was just going to a retreat for adoptive Mommas, but I soon came to see that God doesn't just view those women (and their families) as "some moms that decided to adopt." I thought I knew what adoption was all about, and yeah maybe I knew some stuff but, OH MY! I was just scraping the surface. It is so much BIGGER to God than I can fathom, but I think I got a lil taste of it. The impact that the past weekend will have on the Kingdom of God is bigger than any of my wildest dreams. What I experienced most and what God sees in those women is summed up in one word: Jesus.

I saw Jesus in the eyes of each woman I passed by or heard speak or shared a conversation with. One of the speakers in particular (Dr. Susan Hillis, adoptive momma to 10) gave me a hug after the last session Sunday morning and all I could do was cry {okay, I admit I cried a lot over the weekend}... but I cried, because it was like Jesus gave me a hug. Jesus gave me a hug and said: "Kerry, my beloved daughter... you are my beloved, your children are my beloved, and you are not alone in this fight for life... look around you." ((side note, Susan didn't really say that, but that is what I felt God saying to me))

And just to think that Susan and all those women there went back home, and are now staring into the eyes of their children with the eyes of Jesus... well there are very few things quite that powerful! Very few things will change the entire course of a persons life, but that will... because Jesus has the power to.

Mom's who take on the heart and face of Jesus as they hold their lil ones, change a diaper, read a story, give advice, and drive around the mini van. Jesus showing & telling all these children that they are deeply cared for every. single. day. Parents who are willing to step outside of the "normal" definitions of a family and make a complete stranger their son or daughter. Ladies and gentlemen, that is the Gospel of Jesus Christ in real life form. That is adoption. Adoption is the life and work of Jesus Christ being lived out in Mommies and Daddies who are loving the "least of these." Even when our kids are throwing tantrums, licking their snotty noses, writing on the new furniture with permanent marker, lying, and making bad choices in their adolescence...Jesus will be with us and guide us. It will be stinkin' hard, but if we keep Jesus as our first love and fix our eyes on Him... then Jesus will continue to shine through our eyes onto our families. Most of all, He will use adoption to make us more like Jesus. After all, it is all about JESUS.

This is my prayer:
"Jesus, I am weak, but willing to be used for Your Glory... You are my source. I will give you what I have to love and ask that You multiply it."

I will leave you with that, because Lyla is waking up from her nap and I can hear her saying, "Mommy, where are you?" ... I'm gonna go give her some Jesus hugs and kisses ;)

I'm Gonna Be a Big Sister...

2011-01-31T11:23:00.000-08:00

Big shout out to my Aunt Stephie and our friend J-Boh for this awesome big sis shirt!!! J-Boh (Justin) printed all of our other adoption shirts and did a super awesome job, we can't thank him enough. If you live in my area and ever need shirts done, he is the man! If you want a kid shirt or onesie, let me know. Stephie surprised Joel & I with this shirt and a matching onesie for the baby... so freakin' cute! I about cried...

I have been telling Lyla more and more about her baby brother OR sister in Africa and now she can say "AFEEEKAAA" and it is so cute! She knows the baby's room is the "baby's room", and talks about babies all the time, but I don't think she really has any idea of what is coming. I'll ask her, "Do you want a baby to come live here in the baby's room?" and she exclaims, "YES!" ahh haha I love it. I love that she is young enough that she will never remember life without her brother or sister. She loves her lil cousins and tries to feed them and give them their binkies, so I hope she is similar with her brother or sister.

I AM SOOO EXCITED!

Life in photos

2011-01-25T13:18:00.000-08:00

I want to write a post, but can't sit down long enough to finish... mostly because I can't sit still for very long, but also because I have a toddler and a bad internet connection! So here is a life update in the form of pictures & comments! (more interesting anyways, right?) Plus, we made some great memories so far this winter that I don't want to forget!

We went to my cousin Nate's wedding up in Troy, OH and Lyla was a dancing fool to say the least! Here she is above with her beloved "Poppy" (my dad whom she adores) and below dragging some random girls out on the dance floor to boogie with her! So much fun watching her be the ham that she is :)

Well I remain in shock that our lil baby is not a baby anymore. Lyla turned 2 on 12/22 and we celebrated with about 4,000 of our closet friends and family...haha but seriously there were more kids than I could count. We had a Chirtmas cookie making party and it was choas at Gigi and Papa Gautraud's house (as usual)!

It was crazy to think that 2 years ago I was in the hospital (after 56 hrs of labor... yikes I should have never calculated that!) meeting our lil lady for the first time. I find myself still trying to cope with her traumatic birth, but furthermore praise God for everyday He has given me with my daughter and the lessons He has taught me through becoming & being a mother. ((okay must cease typing as I am starting to cry))

This picture above displays the sinful nature of all toddlers, and the adults that laugh at them.. haha

Story behind picture: Lyla opened her Christmas present from Gigi & Papa Gautraud, but when she saw her cousin open a Beauty & The Beast tea set, all tears broke loose. The rest of the night consisted of Lyla screaming "SHARE!!!" and many battles... oh the drama! Lyla's personality from birth can be summed up in the picture above and below: she is either letting everyone and their brother know that she is NOT happy, or she is lighting up the room with her smiles, laughs, dancing, singing, etc.

God is teaching me to love her for who she is, while giving her much grace, and discipline (after all, that is what He does with me). We are now taking the toddler parenting class at church, which has been extremely helpful! Having a toddler is so much fun but also frustrating at times. It has been a blessing to hear from other parents within our church who are going through the same thing, and learn from the book we are reading and the couple teaching the class. I have made a daily & weekly schedule for Lyla, me, and our family and I think we are all thriving with some more discipline in our lives. It also makes me feel more confident about adding another child to our family :)

I have at least 3 other posts that I would like to do soon, but considering I started this one right after Christmas... it might be awhile. We just got home from an eventful weekend at the Young Life leader weekend at Great Wolf Lodge and I'm looking forward to attending the "Created for Care" retreat in ATLANTA the first weekend in February (with my mother-in-law and sisters Maria & Sharayah)!

Please continue to pray for us and our baby in Ethiopia (that we hope to meet sooner than later)!

many praises

2010-11-30T18:50:00.000-08:00

So I am way behind on blogging. I have dreams of being a good blogger, but to be honest I'm not sure that will ever come true... and really I'm okay with that.

Never the less I shouldn't fail to mention a few adoption updates/praises:

We sold all the t-shirts we ordered and then some! But no worries, we put in another order and it is ready to be picked up. If you've ordered a shirt, we will be sending it out ASAP. If you still want one, feel free to order or let me know because we ordered extra! Shout out to my dear friend Kylea who I used to work with at the Shriners in Lexington who sold over 25 shirts at her work... AMAZING!!! I about cry every time we get a donation, because it is so unexpected and appreciated. While some people think we are just weird and crazy and aren't so supportive, there are many more who are excited and taking part in our baby's adoption. It is one of the coolest things God has ever done in my life!
The day after Kylea informed me of her huge shirt order, I got a phone call from Lifesong for Orphans. They informed me we received a $3,000 matching grant from Lifesong and Just Love Them (meaning the ministry of Just Love Them funded our grant). Of course I cried with joy! So over the past few weeks we have been mailing out a support letters we wrote to our family and friends. This means our friends and family can give a tax deductible donation to Lifesong for Orphans that will go towards our adoption. The first $3,000 will be matched and then used as a catalyst to raise money towards our remaining adoption costs. Oh, and Lifesong has no administrative costs, so 100% of the donations go towards the adoption! We are super excited and thankful for this!

Please check out these two wonderful ministries who are caring for orphans and widows around the world. We can't thank them enough for removing so much of our financial burden!

justlovethem.org
lifesongfororphans.org

We are also now officially on the "wait list" to receive a referral (a child we will be matched with)!!!! The adoption world refers to getting a referral as "the call", because any day now our adoption agency will call us and show us pictures and give us information on our child. It could come any day, but no one can say how long it will be. It will most likely be 6-9 months, maybe longer or shorter. I'm trying not to have any expectations, while remaining very exciting. I was literally jumping up and down in my kitchen when I heard we were officially on the wait list, I can't remember ever being so excited (except maybe when I was little and I got my first American Girl Doll on Christmas morning.. haha)! Everything just feels very real now, as Joel and I have both expressed "WOW, this is really going to happen!" (God willing of course). I am so relieved to be out the paperwork phase, even though I know waiting will not be easy. Lyla will keep me plenty busy to pass the time :) By the way, I feel really "adoption pregnant" now because I keep rearranging furniture in the baby's room, cleaning out his/her closet, and making more crafts for his/her room... ohhhh and debating over baby names with Joel (even though I am set on them already)! The "nesting" is in full swing... bring it on, I love it :)
Will all of this taking place over the past few weeks, God has never made it more clear that this is His idea and not ours... He alone is worthy of our PRAISE!

"expecting"

2010-11-01T08:46:00.000-07:00

Dear Baby in Ethiopia,

I want to start writing letters to you, because I think of you more often than not! I don't quite understand how I can possibly love you so much when I have never met you, but I do! The only thing I can compare it to is the feelings I had towards your sister when I was pregnant with her. I loved her so much as she grew inside me and I didn't even know if she was a boy or a girl or what she'd look like. And the same goes for you... I don't know if you are a boy or a girl or what you'll look like... none of that really matters.. I just know that I love you and what matters is that you are our son or daughter! I may not be feeling you move in my tummy, but I feel you moving in my heart :) I know that the moment I meet you for the first time and hold you close will be a wonderful moment that I'll never forget. I cry just dreaming of it.

What I also want you to know, is that many other people here love you too! We have been telling everyone that you are coming, and so many people are helping us to bring you home. See the neat thing about bringing a baby home in our church community is that everybody helps out (buys gifts, makes meals, cleans houses, etc.). But since you are being brought home through the gift of adoption everyone is taking part in bringing you home and making you a part of our forever family in an even bigger way. See it's kinda complicated, but there are lots of expenses involved in bringing you home, because the governments have to protect children being adopted through laws & paperwork which = lots of fees. Mommy and Daddy can't pay all the fees on our own (although we gladly would), so we have been blessed over & over by the generous gifts of so many. God is making sure that money will be no obstacle in bringing you home. Money is often a source of stress for most adults, but it is no worry to God. You are precious to God and worth more than all the money in the world! He is already caring for you and is using our friends and family to do so. Mommy and Daddy have been totally overwhelmed by the support from those around us to take you out of your orphanage and into our home. We have shed many tears of joy! God has a wonderful plan for you! This journal is called "because HE first loved us...", because the real reason we already love you even though you are on the other side of the world is because God loves us and has place His love in our hearts.

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered!
I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
Psalm 139:13-18

This is why I am 25 and sit in the high school student section

2010-10-18T14:12:00.000-07:00

I did not have Young Life at my high school growing up, but I am a Young Life leader for Campbell Co. High School. Often people ask me questions about it, but there are never the words to explain it. No words to describe what it means to me or the students. No words to fully describe why we do it.

I think most people think Joel & I are weird or crazy for what we do with Young Life. I understand that a lot people just don't get it, and that's okay. Young Life is simply a tool to share the love of Jesus with a dying world. Some people are missionaries in Europe or Asia... we are missionaries to the high school in the community we live in.

If you have ever wondered what Young Life is, or why someone like me would give up their free time to hang out with high school students... why we would sit in the student section at sports game... why we love our students... this video (from Young Life in TN) explains it well. This is a video worth watching. Enjoy.

ORDER YOUR T-SHIRTS NOW!!!

2010-09-30T18:39:00.000-07:00

Who wouldn't want this sweet custom designed adoption shirt (Joel & I designed it together and Joel hand drew it)?!? For a $20 donation towards our adoption it can be yours!

The words say, "minus one." which if you aren't from the adoption community it is inspired by the idea of millions of orphans... but an adoption makes the stats minus ONE. I wish I could free all the children in the orphanages around the world, but to be honest I can't. But I can adopt and change the life of one... forever! And you can support adoption! It is also inspired by one of my favorite verses, Isaiah 61:1

“The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon Me,

Because the LORD has anointed Me

To preach good tidings to the poor;

He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,

To proclaim liberty to the captives,

And the opening of the prison to those who are bound."

We are in the process of getting these shirts printed, but you can go ahead and pre-orders yours now and help us pay for some upcoming fees! If you order one now just be a lil patient, cause it might take a few weeks to get it to you.

The shirt is a lovely "chestnut brown" super soft & lightweight 4.5oz Gildan, that is a little fitted but not too fitted! So I would order the size you normally wear in men's adult shirt (i.e. a medium fit Joel and small for me). The shirts come in S-XL, so if you click on the donate bottom on the upper left side of our blog PLEASE note in paypal your size(s).

We hope you all love the shirts!

move along...

2010-09-12T19:32:00.000-07:00

ADOPTION UPDATE!!!

*For those of you who don't know we had been waiting for one piece of paper in order for our homestudy to be finished (which means in order for us to move forward with anything in the adoption) and after 8wks of waiting and wrestling we finally got it this past Thursday (9/10)! Now we can send in our US immigration application and grant application and hopefully be on the wait list in the next few months. I do not want to go into the details of why it took that long, because well I don't even wanna go there :) ((me not complaining)). The fact of the matter is that I have heard of very few adoptions running very fast and smoothly and I now know why. The reason why, is because God is God. He knows exactly what He is doing! That may sound dumb or duh to some of you, but it is just that simple. And He has used this adoption process to remind me of that once again. I told myself there would be delays and such, but I of course was not as "okay" with it as I said I would be. I can only praise Jesus for growing me through this and teaching, trust, faithfulness, contentment, and long suffering (just to name a few)!

It is actually really awesome to think about, because as another adoption mom (thanks Missy) pointed out to me: where you get on the wait list totally determines what baby you are place with. I had been telling myself this, but I guess I really needed someone else to say it too who knows what I'm going through. When I hold our baby for the first time I have no doubt that I will know that it is the child God picked for us and all the waiting will be more than worth it!

We (Joel) are in the process of designing some really sweet t-shirts to sell as a fundraiser for our adoption, so be on the lookout for those in the near future! One easy way that you supporters out there can help us raise money for the cost of the adoption is to sell the t-shirts to your friends and family. So let me know if that is something you would be willing to do to help bring baby home :)

REST OF LIFE UPDATE:

*Summer is ending, and I'm kinda glad to wave it goodbye! It has been a super busy summer and I'm done with being tired and hot. Much of my tiredness can be attributed to me having mono starting in the end of July and I just now feel normal again. I've never had mono before, but all I know is I don't want it again! Joel worked lotssss of overtime this summer, because his company does the bulk of their work during the summer and I'm glad to see it slowing down. Because of all his crazy overtime we actually got to take a vacation at home 8/31-9/6:

It was one of the best vacations we've ever had... we stayed in our PJs all day...the food was cheap..no long car ride.. the bed was comfy.. the baby slept great! Haha if you haven't caught on yet we had a vacation at home! For as much as I love to travel, it's shocking for me to say that this was one of the best vacations we've ever had. I think mostly because the three of us got to be a family and just chill without 500,000,000 things to do, and we actually caught up on some things. It was the only time we've done this, except for the week after Lyla was born and I would love to make it a yearly tradition :) We love being Young Life leaders and missed everybody, but it was a much needed rest.

*Lyla will be 2 years old in December, and I really can't believe it! I think that she thinks she is turning 10, but I still think she is my baby. I tried potty training for a couple weeks to learn that she is not ready yet. Her temper tantrums have lightened up a lil bit, but she is still pretty strong-willed and independent. She is talking sooo much and repeating words & phrases like crazy! Her favorite things include: bubbles, sidewalk chalk, Dora the Explorer, her baby dolls, and she still loves books. I think she keeps becoming more beautiful and I just adore all that she is!

*But as I type this now Joel is playing the guitar singing the version of "Sweet Home Alabama" where you also intermix "Fresh Prince of Bel air" because we have our first Young Life club tomorrow and we just got finished with campaigners (Bible study) and cleaning the club place (that we just found today)... earlier today we had just finished our fall leader weekend retreat where some 70+ leaders stayed at Joel's parents house and some at ours... I'm behind on laundry and most everything else... so we are back into our normal craziness... and it feels normal. I wouldn't change any of it... simply because Jesus is our Lord.

THE END.

Life is Precious

2010-07-23T12:03:00.000-07:00

I worked for about two years as a RN on the bone marrow transplant (BMT) unit at the children's hospital here. If you aren't familiar with BMT it is when someone has a dysfunctional immune system due to cancer or a blood disorder and the only way to save their life is to give them a new immune system (bone marrow). Sometimes this would save my patients' lives, but sometimes it would not or the complications would lead to their life on earth ending. Watching my patients and their parents & families go through this was very difficult and it became much more difficult when I became a parent myself. I think about my BMT friends and angels often, and I am thankful for my experience I had while I worked there. Not gonna lie though, it was super challenging working there and certain memories can bring me to tears in a millisecond. But the Lord taught me so much about children, parenting, life, death, and suffering.

I transfered to a new unit about 6 months ago but just a few weeks ago I sat awake thinking about it all writing in my journal and praying... I thought of how hard those BMT parents fought for their children's lives. Those parents sacrificed everything to fight for the life or their child. Most of them lived far away and stayed each night in their child's room on a pull out hospital couch, with doctors and nurses coming in their room frequently. They watched as their sweet child's appearance drastically changed while they suffered and endured things that no child should ever have to. They made difficult decision after difficult decision. They spent months and sometimes years away from their loved ones to be with their hospitalized child. They fought for life, they fought for each day until the Lord made them well again... whether that meant they went home to their family's house or home to heaven. I really don't know how those parents did it nor do I totally understand what they had to go through, but being a parent now I know I would fight for my child's life until the fight was over. Most parents would pay almost any cost or sacrifice anything if it meant saving their child's life. Life is precious.

So I hope I didn't depress you too much in saying all of that, because that is not my intention. I say all of that, because...

#1- We should be very THANKFUL for everyday the Lord gives us and use it wisely. If you have loved ones, especially children: hug, kiss, and tell them you love them as much as possible!

#2- Life does end. Take the time to think deeply about who and what you are living for and where you will spend eternity when this life does ends. Trust in Jesus and look forward to eternity in heaven with our Creator!

#3- It makes me realize that filling out paper after paper, saving every penny possible and then putting it towards adoption costs, fundraising, spending weeks away from Lyla, facing criticism from many, and making sacrifices I don't even know of yet in order to save a orphan IS worth it, and precious to God, because every life is precious to God. He has placed on our hearts that a child in Africa is to be ours and we are to fight for their life and if we don't who else will?

I think we can all come up with endless reasons for why there are millions of children without families in the world today, but honestly aren't all those reason more like excuses for why it has nothing to do with you and me (aka "it's not my fault or problem). I realize this whole adoption thing just doesn't make sense to some people, and that is okay. But I am not afraid to ask you to challenge your stereotypes and misconceptions about adoption and think about the part you might playing in the fight for innocent lives. Trust me I'm not saying adoption is for everyone, but if you claim to be a Christian I do believe you can play a role in orphan care (giving, praying, encouragement, etc.) After all, this is not something that Joel and I thought of or are doing ourselves, it is simply the Gospel of Christ in action... this quote I read on my friend Christi's blog sums up what I'm trying to say best...

“My friends, adoption is redemption. It’s costly, exhausting, expensive, and outrageous. Buying back lives costs so much. When God set out to redeem us, it killed Him.” –Derek Loux

Let me know what you think about this post, leave a comment!

But for now to lightened the mood here are some pictures Lyla... she is officially a crazy toddler!

Summer is flying by!

2010-07-08T21:12:00.000-07:00

I can hardly believe my Lyla Noelle is now 18 months old!!!

What is summer camp without body paint?!? (we are Avitars if you can't tell)We went to summer camp June 27-July 3rd with almost 70 students! My co-leader Stephie and I had 37 girls in 2 cabins! It was a crazy week but as usual Jesus was faithful! Oh how I love my girls, we had an awesome week.

My big brother Patrick and Vicki got married on June 19th!

Adoption update!

So we turned in all our application (all 3 parts) in May and had our homestudy visit (a social work came and interviewed us and made sure our house was safe) on June 8th. I got an email on July 7th saying that our homestudy draft is now done and the final draft will be done sometime in a couple weeks (they have to revise it many times so it can be easily translated). Once the homestudy document is done we have to turn in our US Immigration Services application and then we mail off our huge legal document "dossier" to Ethiopia. So God willing we will be on the offical waitlist in the next couple months. We look forward to all the paperwork being complete, but we rest peacefully knowing this is all in God's timing. For those of you thinking about adopting, the paperwork really isn't so bad; we just took it one step at a time! Our next big step will be waiting and fundraising!

In some of my free time I've already been "nesting". My mom bought Lyla a new convertible crib so we moved our office downstairs and now have a new nursery! I am doing a "woodland creaters" theme, so I've been sewing lil owls and such :) I crack myself up, because I emtionally feel pregnant again... I imagine what the baby will look like...I pray for the baby and it's birth family... I cry when I think about how much I already love this baby... I am up right now at 2:00am thinking about it all!

This picture best captures what I look forward to (squeezing an adorable African baby but I am growing my hair out again too.. hehe).

Why we are adopting...

2010-05-06T22:13:00.000-07:00

This may or may not surprise you, but we are in the process of adopting a baby from Ethiopia! We are very excited about this new journey that is sure to be full of ups, downs, joys, and surprises. Nevertheless we believe that this is a journey that God has created, because our whole lives are merely a part of His story and we are just along for the ride! We are currently in the process of applying and getting accepted to adopt. Nothing is for certain at this point, so your prayers are needed! The purpose of this blog is to share our story and raise awareness for orphans & adoption.

So, you might be wondering how we’ve arrived at this point…

#1- As Kerry’s mom put it, “I’m really not surprise you want to adopt a baby from Africa! I’m the one who let you go to India when you were only eleven years old. haha” Well she’s right there, Kerry lived in India for a month when she was eleven years old with other children from twelve different countries and has never been the same since! She has always had a love for different cultures, and the people of the world.

#2- When Joel was about fourteen years old his family fostered and soon after adopted two infant/toddler boys (siblings). Their family’s experience of adopting has impacted our entire family in so many ways. We have seen and experienced firsthand that adoption has its ups and downs, but furthermore our brothers have a forever family that works very hard to point them to Christ. His sister Maria and her husband Ben have also recently been foster parents. We strongly believe domestic adoption and loving foster families are in great need, and we may take that journey at another time.

#3- On December 30, 2007 the two became one and the day after our wedding we left for our two week honeymoon/mission trip to Kenya! We made “plans” to spend one part of the trip traveling and the other part working with teenage orphans in the slum of Kibera. God had other plans laid out. Just before we travelled to Kenya, a presidential election took place that led to riots and violence among two major tribes. The slum of Kibera was a hot spot of violence and vandalism, so all the children were evacuated. Our Kenyan friends decided the only safe place we could volunteer that week would be the New Life Home orphanage. So instead of working with teenagers as we are used to, we spent the week falling in love with beautiful infants and toddlers. After the first day, we felt God’s heart for these children without parents and without home. While there we started researching and soon found out that there are many rules and steps to international adoption, and adopting from Kenya is extremely complicated. It was very heartbreaking for us to leave the children after spending a week at the orphanage, but we promised ourselves and God that we would adopt an orphan one day. We got home and showed everyone pictures of our trip and could not stop thinking about and praying for the orphans we fell in love with. We went back to our day to day lives, leading Young Life, being involved at our church Grace Fellowship, and going to school and work. A few months later we found out we were pregnant, and our amazing daughter Lyla Noelle was born December 22, 2008.

Everyday we remain in awe of how much we absolutely love the joys and challenges of being parents. We feel honored that God would bless us so much and trust us with raising our child in a home that brings Him glory and praise! As parents we shower Lyla with lots of love and attention, while giving her Biblical teaching, correction, and discipline. Kerry only works one night a week (as a RN at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital), so she is home with Lyla everyday while Joel is at work (as a graphic designer/animator). Each evening we eat dinner as a family and on the weekends we enjoy eating and spending time with our friends, community, church, and extended family. We take joy in playing with our daughter, making her laugh, singing songs, taking her to the zoo, going on walks, and reading lots of books! We still volunteer as Young Life leaders at Campbell Co. High School, bought a house last year, and live in a neighborhood in our community. Our students absolutely love Lyla, and we love trying to be the best examples of Christ, husband/wife, and parents we can for our young friends. While we do spend a large portion of our time with Lyla and ministering to our high school friends and co-leaders, we have learned to make our marriage our second highest priority (first being to love God above all else). We take extra time just for the two of us regularly and as needed, because we already learned the hard way that we must make time to care for and invest in our marriage in order to keep it growing strong.

We seriously started thinking about adopting again in January 2010 when the earthquake struck Haiti, and the many images of orphans flooded the media. We could not stop thinking of all the innocent and precious children around the world who would greatly benefit from a loving family. It would be our honor to parent a child and make them a part of our family even if they were born elsewhere. It is a display of God’s love for all to see, “Father to the fatherless, defender of widows- this is God, whose dwelling is holy. God places the lonely in families…” Psalm 68:5-6. So we began researching and praying about international adoption and beginning of March 2010, we decided to move forward with adopting from Ethiopia. We longed to adopt an African orphan after experiencing first hand the beauty and tragedy of a people, who are often joyful, but are suffering and dying from starvation, HIV/AIDS, diseases, and corruption. While we cannot adopt from Kenya; we match the criteria for Ethiopia, and we shouldn’t fail to mention Ethiopia alone has an estimated 4.7 million orphans.

We are not perfect, and are aware that this is not an easy process, but as 1 John 3:16 puts it- “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down His life for us and we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.” We believe that true love doesn’t say “that is too hard” or “I am not willing to give everything”, but true love gives expecting nothing in return. Filling out stacks of paperwork, paying large adoption fees, and going to the other side of the world to give one child a new home and forever family does not compare with Jesus Christ’s sacrifice for each of us. With Jesus Christ as our example and source of love, peace, and joy we feel confident that He will sustain and provide us to accomplish His will.

“In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. And hemade known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment—to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ.” –Ephesians 1:5-10